The Misadventures of the Suit Boys
by Yogsosoft
Summary: This is a story I was originally writing for a friend who was (and still sort of is) going through some hard times. Figured I'd write something for him to lift his spirits. So this is for my three best friends but specifically that one dude who, hopefully by the time I'm done writing this entire story, will be a whole lot happier. Pokemon is owned by Nintendo/Satoshi Tajiri.
1. Prologue

**Clubs**

The Spade residence, (REDACTED), NH. 8:47 PM.

He lay on the top bunk of a bed that was his for the time being wondering how he had gotten here. The whole affair had been a cocktail of the selfishness of others, a lack of caring from some girl, and a bundle of bad luck. The bed was big enough for him to lay there and ponder away but not good for much else. To say nothing of how old these beds were. His eyes were fixated on the bleached ceiling that was a little too close for his own comfort. The fan would've been a health risk if it was only a few inches closer. The entire room was strung about with dirty cloths, half used cloths, a bottom bunk somewhere, a once-white-now-greyish desk that held a homemade computer, a bottle collection strewn along some makeshift shelves, more cloths, and a TV hooked up to a gaming system. His only thing was a suitcase filled with his stuff. So he lay there, and let thoughts run through his head.

The good news; it was getting warmer outside.

The bad news; everything else.

It wasn't that he wasn't grateful though.

Spade wasn't going to be home for the next few hours because computer programming's a bitch so he took this time to center himself by doing nothing—a perfectly viable strategy.

This guy was tall but not the tallest, wiry but not the thinnest, and sometimes he felt that the only thing going for him was "Seven and a half?" he smiled a little as that now ancient-seeming conversation between friends played through his mind. His skin was a healthy peach tone and he had the slightest amount of stubble. He had an affinity for jeans and alternative rock bands with female leads. His hair was a short, shiny, black and his eyes were dark as well.

It then occurred to him that Boney hadn't come out in a while. Boney was, most certainly, a nickname of a nickname. Originally named Dry Bones, the fact he was a huge _Paper Mario _fan when he was young was mostly the influence. But Boney just sort of fit and Dry Bones didn't seem to mind. If anything it was better than what other people had called Boney—names like 'runt', 'orphan', or 'little shit' were some that came to mind.

He made sure no one ever said a bad word about Boney again though. So he pulled out that little device that held him and popped it open. The device was a red and white ball about the size of an orange. It had always amazed him and his group of friends that there were Pokeballs and not flying cars or instant virtual reality video games. Yet, here he was, in 2013 setting his friend free from a contraption that breaks down all the little atoms of Boney and spews them in a small beam of light onto the floor ridden with half used t-shirts and jeans. Something about the molecular or atomic makeup of Pokémon being so vastly different from Humans that it was possible to break it down. It was either a lot simpler than people's or a lot more complex. He didn't remember and it didn't matter. All that did was that his friend was about to join him.

Boney stood a little less than three feet high with a belly comprised of off white-bands that acted as protective plates for his gut and chest. The rest of him was made up of a thick, leathery, deep brown skin with a little spiked, reptilian tail. His legs were short and stumpy and 'feet' ended in a single, big, bone of a toe. His hands looked like mittens with the thumb also being a protruding bone. The head of Dry Bones was the skull of something that looked like a mix between a dog and a reptile. It was made entirely of bone and had jagged spikes in the back acting as 'ears'. The jaw was also completely bone and was almost like a flap to the bottom of the mouth. His species had a longer, more scientific sounding, name but was colloquially known as a Marowak. All Pokémon have their own language and can communicate as such, however, after many years of evolution their vocal chords have become equipped to recite their names in whatever Human language they've heard the most. It's similar to a parrot only, almost all of the time, these Pokémon are much smarter.

"Marowak." Dry Bones voice was thick, deep, and short. Boney didn't say much and his 'master' was pretty comfortable with silence. The Marowak's hands were clenching and unclenching, trying to be contained, but grasping for something nonetheless.

"Hey man," He responded, his voice cool and relaxed. Boney nodded. "Get enough rest?" Bony nodded again. "Awesome." There was a little pause "Feel like going outside?" Boney nodded once more, a quick up and down of the cranium. "Awesome." He was quickly able to get down from the bunk and onto the floor. Reaching into his suitcase, he pulled out something that had more than a little meaning to the two of them. It was the left half of a jawbone from a creature that was at least a foot taller than the 'master' and probably one or two hundred pounds heavier. The bone itself was hefty for the average person to hold and all of the teeth, each about the size of his thumb, had been perfectly preserved. The whole jawbone was actually in pristine condition. Dry Bones was handed the bone and promptly clutched it, his hands quickly relaxing.

He opened the door for Boney and the two began walked into the miniature hallway, passed the bathroom, and into the kitchen. He heard a voice;

"Headin' out Clubs?" this was Spade's dad. He wasn't a very imposing man, but he made up for his lack of height or weight with a Santa Clause-like beard that seemed to have been in a perpetual state of greatness ever since Clubs and his friends were adolescents.

"Yeah, we'll be back soon."

"Don't get eaten." Mister Spade's always dry humor was more than welcomed.

"We'll try." He smiled. With a nudge he opened the sliding glass door, waited for Dry Bones to exit, and promptly followed suit. They were now on a red porch, probably ten feet up in the air, with a quickly descending ramp off to the left.

The duo went down the ramp and began walking around in the darkness. The moon was bright and there were plenty of stars. Light pollution be damned in these small New England towns. The entire backyard was long and grassy. Off to the side there was an old, old swing set and slide that had filed for retirement at least six years ago. It was a grassy expanse and a few feet in front of him was a tiny, babbling, river that he could cross by foot, albeit difficulty, but there was a bridge built across it.

He had memories of when this bridge was a crude collection of crappy wood with missing steps that one would have to hobble over.

The backyard had a big tent-like structure that was used as a gathering place. It had screens all around and a mosquito net. There was also a red 'snoopy house' off to the left and, on the side of that, there sat a stone wall with a full sized statue of an egg with a face and arms. Spade's dad had an affinity for fairy tales and a knack with power tools and paint. The statue wasn't very off putting due to the craftsmanship. Gardens were strewn about growing nothing in particular. The two walked on the path and around a few of the plots of vegetation and dirt.

Clubs pulled his only other Pokeball from his hip and opened it up in the vegetation. From the flash of light came a creature that was a little bigger than Boney except more spherical. Its body was covered in blue vines, so many that its entire body was obfuscated and only a pair of eyes shown. The eyes were big and vaguely humanoid, except his irises were big black blotches. Clubs always thought that he was adorable in his own way though. His feet looked like little red, lumpy, booties that were actually rubbery sacks where he held clumps of vines. The vines themselves had tiny, thin, hairs that they used to sense their environment. Raphael was this one's nickname, however, its diminutive was used more often.

"Hey Raph." Clubs smiled.

"Tang_ela_!" Raph's voice was peppy, muffled, and a little nasally.

Boney retorted "Marowak."

"Tangel—a!" Raph hopped and practically skipped around the dark garden.

Clubs looked up at the moon, wondering how to feel happy again. The memories started to cut back and he gritted his teeth. Things were shit, to say the least. Tears almost came to his eyes when his mind—he felt a tug on his pant leg; "Wak." Boney's voice was solid as he extended the jawbone for Clubs to hold. They grasped it at the same time.

It would get better. It had to.

**Spade**

Technical Institute, (REDACTED), NH. 10: 32 pm.

Fuck JavaScript.

Fuck flash.

All of these goddamn projects can literally go fuck themselves in a conga line.

He was in a computer lab on a computer that wasn't his in a building he was all too familiar with. It was exactly how one would expect a computer lab to look; rows of machines with uncomfortable plastic chairs at same-looking desks. His mind was a blur on the five zillionth program that he swore there were no motherfucking syntax errors in. Line sixteen was fucking fine. Maybe it was because he had been at school for thirteen hours and should have been home a while ago. It was already dark out the drive home was already going to suck. So tired he could hardly drive. Been working like a starved slave for weeks on end.

When _was_ the last time I ate? Whatever.

Thus was the life of someone going into programming and game design. Following your passion was actually a bitch, who knew?

This guy was, to most, uncomfortably skinny. His skin was this sort of peach pale hue and he wore a brown trilby which was, in essence, a miniature fedora. His hoodie was a forest green and had a slightly obscure reference to a game that was popular with people his age. It was a shield, at its core, but it was also a lot more to someone who grew up killing Ganondorf. He wore jeans that fit well enough and shoes that, while old, also fit well enough. He had a tiny beard that was basically the bottom of a goatee. His eyes were, paradoxically, a bright and tired blue. This guy's hair was a little long and a little unkempt.

There was a kicking knock on the opened door and, as the figure entered the room, his spirits were lifted a little. This creature was only a little over five feet high and looked like a big, muscled, torso with two eyes. His eyes were expressive and looked like sideways ovals with little slits for pupils. The whole body was covered in soft, brown, hair and he had lanky arms that ended in three fingered hands. The legs were interesting though. A majority of this creatures legs looked like tightly bound coils, however, weren't made of metal—they were hairless muscles bound extremely tight and could relax and have a similar effect to releasing the tension on a spring. The skin on these 'springs' was very tough and could take nearly any type of beating save a gunshot wound. His feet were like big pads with three, talon like, toes on the end. "Lee." It recited the last part of its name, entering the room. In his hands was a cup of boiling coffee.

Exasperated, yet thankful, he breathed; "Thanks." And took the cup. It was hot and seared his tongue a little but was worth it. It was cream-less and bitter but he still loved it. He bathed in the glow of the florescent lights for a moment and sighed. "Think we should go home, Linnell?" he addressed the Hitmonlee with a name based off a childhood idol.

Linnell looked at him and leaned back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head. The look swiped across his face suggested that he was thinking. "Hitmon_lee_?" he asked, pointing to the computer.

"Man, I need sleep." He got up and took the cup with him. Linnell made a 'hm' noise in agreement and arose. He walked, almost reflexively, out of the building with Linnell in tow. The parking lot was pitch black with only the orange glow of the lot-lights for vision. He managed to quickly find his car, as it was the only beat up minivan in the parking lot let alone the only car, and slipped inside. The thing smelled old and he hardly noticed anymore. His friend got in the passenger's side. "How do you think Flansburgh is doing?" he mainly asked these questions to keep himself awake.

"Lee." Linnell's apathetic tone said it all; Snorlax's don't often think of others and don't expect to be thought of in return.

"Yeah, I guess." He pulled out of the parking lot and prepared for the longest ten minute drive ever.

**Diamond **

Diamond's house, (REDACTED), NH. 1:12 AM.

The house was pretty dark, just dark enough for someone to think no one was home. This wasn't the case though, there was someone in the house alongside several other creatures. He sat on the edge of his bed, staring unenthused at the TV as nothing he cared about played. It was a movie that he wasn't particularly interested in that he put on because the noise would be a better than ear splitting silence. That and the myriad of playlists he had were getting old.

This young man wasn't particularly tall or athletic or masculine but what he lacked in those areas he made up for with well-groomed fiery red hair, a fantastic taste in clothing, and the sexual prowess of a well-aged porn star. Some of those things were up for debate. He sat in his navy blue boxer briefs with a mouthful of noodles. His skin was the exact color you'd expect from a redhead and his eyes were this brilliant emerald color. Tiny glasses rested on his nose. This shouldn't lead one to think he was unattractive though, he was quite the looker for most.

"Whatcha thinkin about?" he asked to his four legged friend that lay next to him.

A gaping yawn was her response as her huge teeth, meant for ripping into shellfish and the scales of other aquatic life, gleamed. This beautiful creature had a huge, off white, fan around her neck and big cream colored ears that resembled fins. A big fin also jutted from the crown of her head. She had the elongated tail of a dolphin and the body of something similar to a lean seal with four, dog like, legs. Her whole body was a baby blue hue.

"Yeah, I hear ya." He responded to her, leaning back and looking up at the ceiling.

"Va_por_eon." She rolled over on the bed and nudged him with the empty space in between her left ear and her crown fin. Her skin was very smooth and almost a little spongy.

"You think?" he laid down, lazily chewing his spaghetti, as the movie turned into a total background event. His room smelled of expensive cologne and shampoo specially used for aquatic Pokémon that smelled strongly of mint and a little bit of citrus.

He wondered how his lady-friend was, he wondered how his close friends were, he wondered if Clubs was doing any better, he wondered if this numb feeling would ever pass. It crept up along him and made him almost squint his eyes out of confusion. In place of moving he just let out a slow exhale through his nostril and decided a full blink would accomplish eons more than a squint.

Just then a face appeared inches in front of his. It was filled with teeth that looked like various broken vampire killing devices and had brilliant red coals for eyes. Its whole body was an amorphous aubergine blob with little stubby clawed hands on either side of it accompanied by equally stubby feet. Spikes jutted off in random directions and seemed to constantly change position. This thing would have been terrifying if it had just appeared in front of any random passerby.

"_Va_poreon!" she scolded the Gengar.

"Geeeeeeeeeengar." His face melded through the other side of him and a huge tongue stuck out at the Vaporeon.

"Lady," he addressed his lovely little aquatic friend "thanks." And he managed to put on a smile. "Zero, stop being such a dick." Diamond gave a small laugh as the Gengar rested on his chest.

After extensive research scientists still weren't exactly sure how Ghost Pokémon functioned due to their ability to only be contained in pokeballs and nothing else and even then it was speculated that they stay in the balls out of sport. Many believed that they were just gaseous forms that had complete control over their molecular makeup, thus allowing them to do things like turn invisible and phase through objects. This theory was well and good and might explain the Gengar family, but not things like Shuppets which were clearly solid figures. Diamond did fine not knowing how Zero functioned and was wholly satisfied with just being his friend.

Diamond almost had a quick staring contest with the ceiling due to losing interest in the world around him but instead retorted; "I think I'm just gonna head to sleep."

Almost as if on command Lady gave another yawn and cuddled up against him; "Vaporeon." She said, nuzzling him.

"Night Lady," he took off his glasses and folded them on the nightstand "Zero," he finally succumbed and yawned "don't get into too much trouble."

"Gengar." This time when he spoke it was reassuring. Like all Ghost Pokémon Gengar don't sleep, this didn't stop Zero from fiddling with the electronics and possessing a box of cereal though.

**Hearts **

Private College, (REDACTED), IL 12:23 AM

He sat at the computer wondering what he was going to do with the remainder of the night. His room wasn't very big and hardly held two people so it was almost some sort of godsend that his roommate had 'taken some time off'. He still was in an apartment with three other individuals though.

This individual drummed his fingers across the desk and stared blankly at his screen. Writing was an option. Video games were an option. The endless void of rainbows and sunshine that was the internet was an option. None of these seemed too appealing though. Maybe a walk …? Walking was his mortal enemy though, any sort of physical exercise put him out of breath and left him feeling defeated. He was not a small individual; upwards of six feet high and clearly an avid fan of food, this young man would definitely watch his weight eventually. He had clean, yet unkempt, brown hair and skin that told the tale of too many days spent inside. His eyes were a bluish grey and the glasses reflected the computer screen.

The desk Hearts was seated at almost blocked the door and was crammed up against the edge of his bed. Parallel to that bed was another where a friend lay. The old roommates bed had turned into the sleeping quarters for someone just as big as Hearts was, except this one was covered in hazelnut fur and had a big, pale, ring around its stomach. It was almost identical to a bear with the only major change being that this one preferred to stand on its hind legs.

"Ring." The bear said simply and pawed at its nose with its huge claws.

"I dunno." Hearts responded.

"Ursa. Ring."

"King, I don't really feel like moving," the Ursaring looked at him and then looked back at the ceiling "like you don't know what that's like?"

"Ring." King responded.

"Right?"

"Ursaring." King flopped down off of the bed and walked over to Hearts.

"Wanna say hi to Maggie?"

King just nodded.

Hearts and the Ursaring trotted downstairs and outside meeting the typical Midwestern spring night. That is to say, it had just transitioned from 'unnaturally cold' to 'stupid hot'. Hearts popped out his Pokeball and opened it up.

Outside came three silver orbs attached to one another with two magnets for each 'head'. They had big, faux, white eyes with small finger print sized pupils. It had speakers on the back of its two bottom heads. This creature was very straightforward in its appearance and casual with its mannerisms. She floated right at eye level with Hearts and made a warm humming noise; "Magneton." She responded in a voice that sounded like a soothing automaton. It wasn't distinctly male or female and had qualities of both. Scientists have debated for years what makes Magneton and the pre evolution so clam. It is an artificial Pokémon but the AI was made just that way, to be an AI. It wasn't given set emotions yet nearly every Mangnemite that has been created is astoundingly serene. To say nothing of how the Magnemite grows two 'dummy heads' when it evolves.

"Ursaaaa!" King seemed to pep up a little bit and nudged Maggie.

"Magnet." And, thus, Maggie nudged back.

It was moments like this that made Hearts feel comfortable, as there was this little warm glow in him. It made him think about his old friends, human and not-so-human, and how far everyone had come since his being an emotionally unstable fifteen year old. That comfort would last even if he was nearly a thousand miles from home.


	2. First and Foremost

First and foremost

There's something I need to get off my chest. I'm not actually the main character. I'm not the one who saves the day. I'm only really a hero by association. I felt like I should say this because, you know, my close friend is actually the one who did all the work and I'm just the one who knows how to tell stories the best. Most of this is true except the things that aren't. You read the prologue? The one where it introduced all of us and our non-human companions? I know it was in third person, relax, I just felt like saying this from the perspective I'm the most familiar with would do all of us some good.

And there are some things that I still don't feel like acknowledging happened.

If you're, like, some kind of super genius you might've figured out that Clubs, Spade, Diamond, and Heart aren't actually our names. I'm not gonna tell you our names though. I will tell you me and my three friends were the ones involved in the biggest cover-up since the Akio Katsu scandal back in the early 90's.

You gotta remember that, right?

I mean … I wasn't even born yet and I remember that. I did always think it was kinda stupid how they turned it into a kids show. Especially after all the people that died. You know what's not kid friendly? The grisly deaths of hundreds of people at the hands of a hyper intelligent monstrosity created by the Japanese Yakuza. That and it perpetually annoys me that Mister Katsu was, like, thirty-something and it was his Raichu that ultimately saved the day, not with friendship, but by frying that psychic-fucker until his eyeballs jellied.

I'm getting off topic.

So, yeah, the four guys. You remember Hearts? The fatass who was almost too lazy to let his Magneton out?

That's me.

I arrived back home from college in early May to find that New Hampshire is always greener coming home than when I leave. I go to a liberal arts college in the Midwest studying what the purple curtains really mean and why they make readers from the Victorian era feel the way they feel. Spade had just got his associates in game design, Diamond an associates in business and Clubs was a late bloomer when it came to these things.

When I got home one of the first things I did was contact Spade. That skinny motherfucker and I have been best friends (or 'permabros' as he puts it) since we were about six. It's funny because the only thing we really have in common is that every once in a while we decide it'll be a great idea to make a comic book, start the ideas flowing, and then stop when we realize how much work it would be. We're still working on one; it's about a Tentacruel that lives in a Dali painting. I mean … it's about a lot more than that but _mainly_ it's about a Tentacruel that lives in a Dali painting.

Our Pokémon have also almost never had any sort of issue with one another which is fantastic because those little pocket monsters can get aggressive. There are some scientists that say they were bred to fight for so long that it's almost imbedded in who they are.

Spade got a Tyrogue for his tenth birthday and I got a Teddiursa. Spade's Tyrogue loved to go running, so that's what the two would do together. My Teddiursa loved to eat honey and pizza crust. So that's what we would do together.

We met Clubs in elementary school but never really hung out with him until sixth or seventh grade. Clubs got a Cubone for his tenth birthday and I just remember Boney being so little. He was smaller than King by almost a foot. Dry Bones loved to pick fights. It was the cause of many a bruise and cut in high school for Clubs and his close friend. He would never go against Clubs word though and almost attacked others out of protection for his 'master' even if most of them were unprovoked. I really hate using that word—'master'.

I should probably explain when I say 'got for their birthday'. You can't purchase Pokémon at like a pet store you just kind of go to like someone who breeds—why am I explaining this to you? You totally know all of this.

Anyway.

Linnell and Flansburgh? Two of the most placid motherfuckers I know. You'd think a fighting Pokémon would have urges to destroy everything it touches. Not the case with Linnell, that springy motherfucker has never lost his temper; not when King tried to use hyperbeam on him against my words, not when Spade's sister's Smeargle covered his legs in blue paint, not when Dry Bones almost caved in Spade's skull. Flansburgh is … a Snorlax. He sleeps a lot, lets us chill on his stomach, and likes food even more than King and I do.

Diamond comes into the picture for Spade and Clubs in high school. He was a great friend of theirs but only really came into the picture for me last year after what was supposed to be a midnight screening turned into 6AM at McDonalds and a parking lot full of jokes. Lady is one classy Vaporeon and Zero is a fucking dick.

Anyway.

I call up Spade.

"MMmmmyyyess?" his voice slyly states on the other end of the phone.

"Dude! I'm home."

"Ayyyy!" he called.

"You and Clubs there?" Clubs and Spade aren't related. Clubs is related to a powerless mother and a poisonous stepfather who makes too much money for people to say no to. We were told he got kicked out but there was speculation that he's pretty happy about it.

"Clubs is at work." He sounded a little distracted.

"So you wanna hang?"

There was a pause that would unnerve someone who was new to Spade's life but what it was more for dramatic effect than anything else; "I do." his voice was certain and solid.

"Awesome!" a big smile grew on my face as I stood in my room, my bed pressed up against the wall so the foreign exchange student could have his bed closer to the door. My stuff's all in blue plastic bins while his is plastered on the dressers and desk. I can't reach the cloths in my dresser because his stuff is crammed in front of it and puzzled in next to the bins with my books and binders. Totally not bitter.

"So you need me to come get you?" he questioned as if on cue.

"That'd be great." My smile was still big.

"Be there in, like, a little bit."

"Alright, cool." And we hung up.

There in the open doorway I saw King, tall on his hind legs, with big dark eyes and his tongue flopped out of his mouth. There was a second of silence; "Ring?"

"We're _going _to Spades!" I thrust my fist in the air as King let out a little tiny roar of approval, a type of noise you would expect to come out of a bear wrestling with his friend. He fumbled into the room and let out a louder, happy, roar. We did a tiny dance. I shuffled my arms from side to side while doing a walk that could only be described as eccentric and highly embarrassing. King then proceeded to follow me in this motion only he would spout out;

"Ursa. Ring. Ursa. Ring." To the beat of our silly escapade.

We did this around the cramped room until I stopped when a thought came to me; "Should we have it be a surprise for Maggie?"

"Ursa!" he nodded up and down.

Five minutes and almost fifty seconds later.

"AAyyyyy! King!" Spade smiled at us as King entered the backseat of his very beat up minivan. King let out another mini roar. "I figured we'd surprise Linnell and… well Flansburgh's not really gonna give a shit" he mumbled in an intentionally comedic fashion "—but Linnell's gonna be pumped!" I shut the passenger door as Spade shimmied the Oldmobile down the decline snake that is my driveway. He turned to me "So, uh, how's your dick?"

So it begins "Four months of separation—four mother_fuckin_' months of being totally cut off from you, my dream, my idol, everything I aspire to be— …and you ask how my penis is?"

"I'm not hearing an actual answer."

We were now driving down the street that spat a hefty right turn out of the cul-de-sac that was my lane. We passed the old houses and older trees. We drove for a solid handful of minutes in ear breaking silence, a silence so intense you'd think that someone had just announced the death of a family member or, alternatively, had won the lottery. Overreaction was almost my thing when it came to this, being loud and acting unnaturally upset. This didn't help when I did actually get upset, but pushing boundaries was just kind of funny. Not ever in a way that made people too uncomfortable and I never really did it with people I wasn't totally sure would be cool with it. It's a sort of perpetual initiation, this teasing between friends. Someone starts it by asking if it's cool that they have one of your fries and next thing you know you're giving him very specific instructions about how they can go down the corner store and pick up some blue pills that'll aid them to go fuck themselves.

"It's fine."

And, with that, we pulled into Spade's driveway.

Spade's house is one story if you count any livable space but he's also got a basement that smells like mold and the place where all of his mother's happy thoughts go to die. You see, Spade's mom is in a constant state of being stressed out while I've never seen his father in anything but a perpetual mode of slight jolliness mixed with a spit of positive ambivalence. Spade's mom has short, brown, hair and is over all a short woman while his father isn't much taller than his mother but is also built like a goddamn lumberjack due to the fact that when he's not writing novels or educating college students he's chopping down trees to prove his dominance over the New England Nature Gods. So far he's winning. With that being said, his mom is much more intimidating than his dad. She has this look in her eyes that will make you do whatever she wants you to do. I've been stuck doing chores at Spade's house more often than usual due to that piercing look.

So we trot into his house and there's the quick 'hi, hello, how are you, how was your semester?' from his parents we head into his room.

Spade's room is a thing of beauty.

If you read the prologue you have an idea but let me just reiterate. There is clothing _everywhere_, on the beds, on the floor, on the computer that he assembled himself, on the wicker desk thingy parallel to his computer desk, there's a TV shoved into the corner with a few gaming systems ranging from pretty new to very old and a closet that is the spitting image of pristine from the knees up. It's got all of the memorabilia from his favorite Western and Eastern comic books, a box set of anime, and a string of more clothing except these ones are on hangers. All of it neatly arranged. There's also totally a bunch of book shelves but I always forget there here, not from any dislike of books, but because they're wedged in between the bed and the wall. There are also books on the floor. Stuff that I wouldn't really understand with uninteresting names like; _Advanced_ _Programming in JavaScript _and _C++ For the Well Informed._

I'm fine with my tiny little beginner's copy of _Gilgamesh _and that monstrosity of a book that's filled with everything from Greek Epics to The Bible.

On the floor, in front of the gaming system, sits Linnell staring intently at a fighting game. There is a pause both literally and figuratively as he stops the game and looks who just entered the room. His oval eyes widen and he springs up; "LEE!" he spouts at us tossing his arms in the air.

"RING!" King pushes by me and they embrace. King is significantly bigger than Linnell by well over a foot so the big teddy bear can lift him up and squeeze him.

I nudged Spade; "Why don't we hug like that anymore?"

"Because you never look me in the eyes during our steamy, passionate, lovemaking." His words are as dry as mine.

"Queen of Spades is not gonna be happy about that." Fun fact; despite being a fellow super-nerd Spade actually has a girlfriend of several months. She's nice and almost as dry and humor-filled as he is.

"She's cool with the gays." Spade and I entered his room.

"Good news for me then." I sat in this chair that used to be green and comfortable but had since sunken in and I was sure would break if a feather landed on it too hard.

"You're chances for dating _have _doubled since college." He sat in his much more luxurious spinning plush chair.

You know those stories about people finding themselves at college?

"You wanna go say hit to Flansburgh?" he cocked an eyebrow as King's head turned at the name of his friend.

"Where is the big motherfucker?" I spat out.

"Where he always is."

As soon as we sat down we were up again, out of the room with our Pokémon following close. Even from the deck I could see him, the big guy was way in the back near the little chill-house. We made a bee-line down there with Linnell following Spade and King following me. Through the backyard over the tiny bridge into the massive nature expanse of his real backyard, a giant plethora of vegetation and art.

"Is Sally around here?" I asked.

"I … don't know. She should be." Like she was called there was a big 'POOF' sound as the repulsive smell of Sally waddled up to us. She was a little over three feet high and had a huge flower atop her head that had huge, thick, vermillion petals and a huge center where a sort of smog would puff out every once in a while. Her body looked almost like the bottom of an eggplant had grown stumpy little arms and legs. Her eyes were beady and mouth was filled with very sharp teeth.

"Vile_pl_ume!" she chirped happily, her voice surprisingly soft.

"Hey Sally." Spade said attempting his very best to avoid the smell.

"Hi." I smiled trying not to grimace. For all of Sally's happiness to see others, she smells like rotting meat. I mean … _all _Vileplume's smell like rotting meat. She was this adorable little Oddish that Spade's mom found when their whole family lived in East Asia for a few years and they took a liking to each other, now she tends the garden helping out Mr. Spade when she can.

Linnell gave a short wave while King flapped his paw happily at her.

We walked up to the mass that was Flansburgh. On average a Snorlax can get anywhere from seven to ten feet high and can weigh anywhere from one to two thousand pounds. Flansburgh pushed about eleven feet and weighed several hundred pounds over a ton. This was not a small Pokémon. There wasn't even any pretending that Flansburgh was tiny. Everything that wasn't his stomach and face was covered in a dirty, navy blue, blue fur while the non-furry areas were a substance that could only be described as elastic-y and almost off white. They were very smooth but could also reflect almost any sort of physical detriment that might come his way. He had a huge jaw filled with pointed teeth the size of my forearm. Flansburgh let out deep breathes as he slumbered.

"Flansburgh." I said softly.

"You know better." Spade retorted "_FLLLLAANSSBURRRGGHHH_!" he shouted so hard that a few Murkrows flapped out of their resting places in the high trees.

"LAX!" he jolted awake.

"Hey man!" I smiled at him.

"Lax." He smiled back and waved at King, who promptly waved back and gave that tiny roar once more.

I took out my only other pokeball and opened it up. Maggie popped out and looked around, slowly drinking in her surroundings; "Magneton!" she echoed happily.

"Heyyy it's Maggie!" Spade stated the obvious in a joyful tone.

"Mange-ton!" she floated around in circled for a moment, obviously a little overwhelmed with the situation.

"It's okay, Maggie!" I reassured her "I wanted to surprise you!"

"Mag." She bopped me on the head with one of her dummies, a playful scolding for not warning her sooner.

"Lax." Flansburgh yawned and bopped Maggie back, lightly.

"M_a_g!" she floated around, pleased with everything for the time being.

"You wanna go inside and boot of some of them there fightin' games?" I quizzed.

"I thought you'd never ask." Spade smiled.

In the handful of hours that passed I was able to; successfully get my ass handed to me in three different fighting games about ten times at the hands of Spade, try to get better with a character, fail at it, play some stuff on my computer, and work on that comic about the Tentacruel with my best good friend. We brain stormed and then I wrote too much dialogue.

"You gettin' geeked for Daft Punk's new album?" I asked already well aware of the answer.

"Yes. Very yes." Spade was clicking away on his computer as King growled a little from also getting his ass handed to him at fighting games. The screen flashed with various colors as his character got smashed, beaten, stabbed, lit on fire, and chainsaw'd all at the mercy of Linnell.

"I mean, _Get Lucky_ is really good."

"It's _so _good, you kiddin' me? That album is gonna be _great_!" He never looked at me while speaking but his voice was still incredibly engaged.

"I mean, that one single is pretty promising." I'll push the envelope of facetiousness and watch his reactions.

"You know what else is pretty promising?" his voice got dark.

"Wha—" as I looked up I witnessed my best friend slowly miming masturbation and staring into my eyes with a terrible grimace on his face. The inviso-dick strikes again! "Pfffahahaha." I hissed through my teeth.

"So, for that dialogue—"

The door to his room swung open and there stood Clubs. His eyes looked tired and ever darker than usual while his whole body was weary. It appeared like he had just gotten the wind knocked out of him. Both of his pokeballs were by his side and he was still dressed in the black shirt, pants, and shoes from his job. There was just enough of a silence for us to notice his disheveled nature; "Dude." I smiled at him.

"Dude." He smiled back, even if it was sort of weak.

"How you doing?" I asked, getting up as we clasped hands and embraced.

"Good, man, how about you?"

"I'm fine. You sure you're feelin' okay?" I just wanted to make him feel better, wanted to let him know that shit was going to be okay, I wanted to protect the hell out of this motherfucker until he felt safe in his own skin again.

"Yeah man." He smiled. His life was a cocktail of an uncaring mother, a bastard of a step father, and that goddamned ex-girlfriend.

King let out a little noise to let Clubs know he was here; "Ring." King got to his feet and nudged Clubs.

"Hey man, how goes it?"

"Ursaring." He shrugged as King and I experienced the extremely strange phenomenon that most Pokémon and their trainers feel every once in a while. It's a connection. I'm aware how dumb that sounds, like some kind of crazy person mumbling how everything's related or whatever. But, sometimes, Pokémon and their human companions will be on the same wave length. It's a weird feeling. You know how sometimes you and your good friend will finish each other's jokes or sometimes talk in unison? It's like that but nonverbal.

Anyway.

"You wanna say hi to Dry Bones?" Clubs asked.

King just nodded.

He pressed a button on his pokeball and the Marowak was released in a stream of light. He looked around for a moment and looked at what was going on. Boney already had the jawbone in his hands and tapped King on the knee. He promptly looked down and smiled; "Wak." Boney said and extended his jawbone. King promptly took it and they shook. It was Dry Bone's policy to never shake anyone's hand but, if he really liked you, he would use the jawbone as a cypher for a handshake.

"Maggie's in the back if you wanna go say hi to her." I said to Dry Bones.

He turned to addressed me, scanned my person, nodded a thank you, and left. King and I looked at each other as I nodded and he followed Dry Bones.

"Lee." Slowly Linnell got to his feet and left the room.

Clubs opened his other ball as Raph tumbled out; "Tangela!" he said spryly as he looked at me and danced around a little.

"Everyone's in the back if you wanna go hang with 'em." I said, this time as if talking to someone much younger than myself.

"Ela!" he hopped away.

I looked at Clubs again; "How you feelin'?"

"Been better."

"What's on your mind?" I sat back down on the bottom bunk as Spade assessed the situation.

"I really miss her, you know?"

"I know." I attempted to reassure him in those two words. There was a silence that read he didn't want to talk about whatever past relationships had happened; "You know what I think we need?" I suggested.

"What?" Spade asked.

"Fuckin' Slushies."

"Slushie's sound _so _good right now." Clubs face instantly switched from 'depressed' to 'yearning for the best frozen drink this side of a Pina Colada'.

"I'll go tell the Poke-mans that we're gonna get Slushies." Spade got up and went to tell our friends of the greatest news today.

About a week passes and we all agree to meet up at Diamonds house, I'll get a ride from Spade, we'll get the Bag of Burgers , we'll load up on Slushie's, we'll bring the pocket monsters, we'll watch bad horror movies, we'll rule the night. Normally the hang outs would occur in my basement, but that's currently not an option, so we cleared out Diamonds spare room and turned it into an instant hang out space. He and Clubs got a white leather couch, we moved all of the electronics in there—it was fucking cool.

Diamonds house is a very New England looking abode on the side of a highway that is a bitch to turn into when you realize you're going 50 MPH and the house is RIGHT FUCKING THERE HOLY SHIT! I've never met his mom but his dad is very cool. A skinny punk rock dude with a serious beard who I've never seen without some sort of hat on.

We arrive at Diamonds house at around seven and I already have a good feeling about that night. It's warm out and I'm pretty worried that the lack of AC might be a problem, especially with seven Pokemon and four dudes, but then I remember that Zero does as he damn well pleases wherever he pleases and Lady normally stays in Diamonds room. As we arrive Clubs car is already there.

Anyway.

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

"What's gooooooooodd?!" Diamond projects as he throws the door open and says this while Zero comes shooting out, grazing my hair.

"What's REALLY GOOD?!" I respond with a huge grin as I step in, tossing both of my Pokeballs whilst King and Maggie are freed.

"Hey man!" Diamond says to Spade with the appropriate head nod.

"Hey, hey, hey." Spade nodded as well.

"So, really, how are you guys?" Diamond quizzes.

"Good, good." Spade responds.

"Fine, you know, livin' the dream." I grinned again as King bumbles to find Lady.

"Mange-ton." Maggie properly hails Diamond who responds with;

"Aw! Hey Maggie!" and then she nudges him.

"Va_poreon_!" I hear Lady say cheerfully as her and King greet each other again, I'm assuming with a massive bear hug (sorry, puns).

I found Clubs sitting on the leather couch already watching something; "When do we want a Bag of Burgers?" I call to whoever's listening.

"I could eat." Clubs says, never straying from the TV.

"Uh, yeah, sure." Spade responds.

"Let's do it, man." Diamond states.

Allow me to describe the tradition that is the Bag of Burgers. It was something my father taught me and I plan to teach whatever child I may have. Low on cash? Don't quite have the money for a pizza? Can't even dream of affording that Italian place down the street? Have no fear! Your local fast food joint has a Bag of Burgers with your name on it! The steps are simple!

Step One; order anywhere from four to five burgers off of the dollar menu.

Step two; prepare your five dollars.

Step three; get burgers and enjoy!

Step four; optional Slushie.

We all packed in Spade's Oldmobile and shipped off to get all of these things.

A GRAND TOTAL OF NINETEEN BURGERS, SIX SLUSHIES, AND A BUNCH OF POKE-CHOW LATER.

"Dude … I don't feel too hot." I mention.

"You always feel like shit after." Clubs mentions.

"And you don't?"

"Well … yeah, but I'm not a bitch about it." he said.

"Jesus those burgers." Spade seems to say to whoever wants to hear him.

"I'm good on food for the night, you guys good on food?" Diamond asks.

"Yeah." I mention.

"That, like, a new thing for you?" Spade asks.

"Fuck you." I quip.

By this point we're halfway through some horror movie when the second strangest thing happens. There's a pounding on the door.

This is strange because Diamond's dad isn't supposed to be home for another few days and Diamond lives in a place that most people just whizz by and never think about. We all pause as our Poke-friends stir in the other room.

"Zero?" Diamond calls, almost sure it's that fuck of a Gengar again.

"Gen-gar." Zero materializes right next to him.

POUND.

POUND.

POUND.

"Let me in!" a voice, which sounds distraught and terrified, shouts.

"What the fuck do we do?" I ask.

"Let's go … see who it is?" Spade gets up and we walk all walk over as a unit. Our Pokémon are all standing behind us in the doorway of Diamonds room.

"Please!" a voice shouts.

"Get ready." Clubs mentions to the pocket monsters. King looks like he's already in attack mode and Dry Bones even more so, Linnell looks very calm, Lady is comforting Raph as Maggie floats in anticipation. Zero looks like he might hurt himself in his confusion.

Diamond opens the door to find a man, who looks incredibly weak, half stands half crouches there in a torn blue polo shirt and jeans. His shoes are tattered. He looks like he hasn't shaved in a little while. His whole demeanor is petrified.

"Please, you need to help." His voice is low by this point.

"What's wrong?" Diamond asks as levelheaded as he can.

"They're after me."

"Who?" Diamond asks as anticipation and a little bit of fear gets to me.

"Team Rocket." The second he says this there's a visceral reaction if hilarity. Clubs looks totally relieved as he chuckles, Spade lets out a 'pfffffft' and laughs too, Diamond sighs as if the weight of the world has been taken off of him and I let out a simple 'HA'. "I'm serious! You need to hide me!"

"What?" Diamond asks between laughs.

"They're _after _me!"

"Do you need us to call you a hospital?" I ask, somewhat serious.

Just then the strangest thing happens.

A big black van pulls into the driveway.


	3. Let him in!

"Let him in!" 

These are the words shouted by Clubs as Diamond and I grab that man's collar and yank him inside the house with a single heave. I see the cogs churning in Clubs brain as he makes eye contact with Raph; "Make sure he doesn't move." He tells the tiny Tangela.

"Gela!" Raph becomes a little sterner as his vines shot out and bound the man's hands.

"What are you—?" he began to protest.

"Shut up!" Clubs spat.

What do you envision when you think of Team Rocket? Is it the near iconic image of Jesse and James with their trusty Meowth? Maybe one of the grunts from the game? You know what you don't often envision? A six foot eight Samoan man in a bright white suit followed by some French motherfucker in the same suit. I knew that one of them was Samoan due to his size, the other because his first words were;

"Where is 'ee?" his whole attitude is slick to say nothing of his hair or extravagantly square jaw line. He might have been attractive if it wasn't for the smugness smeared across his face.

"Who?" Clubs asked with a harsh tone. My heart was racing, these two chuckle-fucks weren't playing around. Spade looked almost petrified and Diamond was quickly dissociating.

"The man in the blue shirt. Did we not just see 'im get pulled into your home?" his eyes were a sharp blue as he gave us a brilliant white grin.

"We don't know who you're—" Clubs words stopped as soon as he saw the man swipe for something none of us noticed due to the fucking fear.

He had a handgun. I'm no gun-expert, not really great at identifying cars, people from a distance, and firearms that could totally turn any of our brains to mush with us being dead before we realized it. He was definitely holding a real weapon though. That fucker drew it so fast I couldn't really keep track. "I won't ask again, where is the man?" his words were articulate and he seemed to be trying to suppress his accent.

I know what you're thinking; 'you have super powered creatures right behind you, why not have them just take this guy out?'

Well, it's a good motherfucking thing that Gengar's think a solid two steps ahead of people then, isn't it?

You need to understand that Pokémon can take beatings that would demolish a regular person. That's why, while I'm not sure what it's like to get hit with a Shadow Ball, I can surmise from the French dude's face. It looked like someone had burned through his skin so fast that he didn't even have time to scream. His expression was so horrified I thought his jaw was going to snap off as a soundless howl surely erupted throughout him. He dropped the gun, to say the least, as the big Samoan dude flew into action. Alright, he totally would've flown into action if Linnell hadn't flown in behind us and done something we called 'The Hurricane Kick' but was known in the business as a "Double kick". The springs that held his legs tight flew loose as, while he spun in the air, they extended and slammed the man twice.

The Samoan dude flew through Diamonds deck as the sound of shattering wood graced our ears and then the fucker landed nearly twelve feet below us. He landed with a course 'WHOMP'.

Linnell did a very impressive front flip downward and landed on his feet.

A few things happened at once.

"Bones!" Clubs words were fast and loud as Dry Bones maneuvered through us and out to the deck, the jawbone gripped tightly in his right hand. He very quickly decided making the jump could hurt him and ran down the incline towards the Samoan man, wordlessly.

"Lady. Zero," Diamond scowled as Zero materialized next to him with a crazed smile that looked like it wanted to extend itself beyond his 'head'. Lady slithered up to his right half and propped herself up with perfect posture. "Hold." he said quietly.

I was incredibly angry. Infuriated would be somewhat of an understatement. I felt rushing in my chest as my whole body went hot and my mind raced. I needed to remain calm. I had to just focus— "KING! MAGGIE!" I shouted so loud that Zero seemed to flinch. I stepped out onto the porch as the Ursaring and Magneton followed. King jumped down and joined Linnell with a roar so intense I felt the platform I stood on shake. Maggie stayed by my side as I fumed.

The Samoan reached for a pokeball and managed to toss one up and he was near another—_CRACK_—it was fast and nasty all at once. All the tiny bones in the man's hand shattered as Bones' weapon made contact with the Samoan's trigger fingers. The hand contorted as all of the fingers inverted and the palm was totally smashed.

The Pokémon that came from the ball was taller than any of ours and was incredibly intimidating. It was taller than the trainer by a few inches too. It had three steel spikes jutting front its metal encased head that looked like the mixture of a T-Rex and a Triceratops. Its body was huge, metallic, and a shiny black. The whole thing was coated in scar-filled plates as two huge black spikes blew out of its shoulders. It had jagged edges down his spine through its huge tail.

It all clicked for Spade when he saw the Aggron.

Linnell was about to wreck this thing; "Double kick!" Spade shouted as Linnell sprang forward and blindsided the creature with two foot launches at its head. The Aggron let out a screech as soon as Linnell's feet slammed into it.

"Lady," Diamond hissed "Hydro Pump."

The Vaporeon swaggered up to the broken edge of the deck with grace. One of the most terrifying things to witness is a creature as beautiful as something related to an Eevee dislocate its jaw, bare its knife teeth, and let out a noise that could only be described as Satan gargling its own vomit. Then a huge blast of water erupted from the tiny creature and bashed into the Aggron sending it hurling downwards.

"Bone rush!" were the words that spouted from Clubs as Boney reacted instantly. He readied his weapon and rushed over to the Aggron while slamming his bone into it with such ferocity that part of the armor was broken and blood started to ooze from the wound. In total silence on Bones end the Aggron got its right kneecap busted inwards from the bone with a quick flick of Dry Bones wrist. The bone made a quick _snap_ of a noise as the creature fell.

It was a slow realization on my part that King couldn't have done much damage to the huge metal creature, then again, he didn't really have to after Dry Bones was done with him. "Maggie," I spat "Sonic-boom." And motioned to the men on the ground.

Remember, like, a page ago when I said that Pokemon were a lot more durable than people? Yeah, well, moves that involve sound waves will disorient most pocket monsters. As Maggie floated over towards the rocket member who got Shadow Balled there was a deep hum as the air around her started to shake much like a stereo turned up too loud. The hum grew louder as it soon became a concentrated shrill tone. The man began to seize, slowly at first, and then wildly to the point where him biting off bits of his inner mouth were a reality. I didn't care. I'm aware it's wrong, but I was out of fucks. He had tried to hurt all of us. I was going to have Maggie turn his mind into a whirl of dementia and hemorrhage—

"Stop!" Spade shouted at Maggie, who promptly ceased.

"He was going to _kill_ us, Spade!" I growled.

"That's no _fucking _excuse to kill _him_!" he heaved back.

By this point the Aggron was suffering severe lacerations as well as two broken legs. "Dry Bones!" called Clubs. The Marowak stopped instantly and spat on the whimpering creature. He slowly walked back up the grassy incline towards us.

The other Rocket member was trying to keep his shit together as he looked over towards the broken Aggron and his mangled hand. He was clearly shaking after seeing his compatriot turned into a temp-veggie and looked struck with fear. "Call the cops." Clubs ordered Diamond.

Linnell joined us on the deck as Diamond got his phone out.

"Do you four know who those men were?" this was an older detective in a grey suit. It was obvious when this guy arrived he was haggard, as if running on one too few cups of coffee and one too many gas station cheese danishes. The second he saw the scene his whole face lit up with enough surprise to fill at least four coffee cups. He wasn't the first responder, though. The first responder was a cop who addressed herself as 'Officer Kelly Wils—what the _hell_ happened here?!' she really drank the whole scene in when she saw a Pokémon that had two explicit purposes, mining dangerous areas and crushing everything in its way, on the ground with its kneecaps coming out of the opposite end. Explaining the situation wasn't hard and Diamond did a good job of that. I was still cooling off and muddling over the fact I almost killed someone holy _fuckballs_! No part of that would've been okay. Spade was totally right.

Anyway.

We really did have to answer this guy; "Team Rocket is what that guy said." Clubs stated.

"Do you know who you _saved_?" he seemed to be getting progressively more baffled.

"Carmen Sandiego?" Diamond shrugged. There was a silence as the detective's face looked at him like he was about three years old and perpetually mentally handicapped "Sorry." He mumbled.

"That's Andrew Gulliver." He expected us to have some sort of intense reaction to this. After a beat of us having no idea Spade went;

"Oh! That scientist guy who got kidnapped, like, three months ago or something?" it was obvious he was still coming down from whatever fight or flight responses he experienced, his voice was all shaky and somewhat unsure.

"Yeah. We've been looking for him for quite some time and—" his phone went off as he quickly checked it "sorry, I gotta take this." he answered "Henderson … yeah? … alright, no prob—who? Yeah, be there in a sec," Detective Henderson swiveled back to us "Sorry to cut this short but I'm gonna have to get going, boys. You guys did a great thing tonight."

And, just like that, we resumed being four moderately educated nineteen/twenty year olds with too many burgers in our guts and heads full of bewilderment.


	4. Trudging into my house

Trudging into my house

I am exhausted from the five hours of sleep I had hardly gotten. It's very uncouth to enter my house from the front door; it's mainly for show just like most of the other front doors in New England. You enter through the side door that's hidden behind a pair of not-so-discreet electronic garage doors. So I began to trudge into the house with my pokeballs in the laptop bag, looking beaten and in desperate need of a shower.

"How was Diamonds?" my mother asked, seeing me come in from the leather couch two rooms away, she was just hanging out which was very odd for her. Despite my mother not being super physically fit she's an extremely active person, this probably has something to do with the fact her profession is taking care of the patients that the rest of the hospital can't handle. That and getting angry at doctors. I nearly always look like death after coming back from Diamonds though so it's nothing really new.

"Uh … we saved someone's life." I mentioned as I sprung King and Maggie from their balls.

"What?!" her face echoed surprise while her jaw clenched and lips split open in a quasi-frown, actually turning her head to look at us while my two close pocket monsters and I walked into the living room.

"Was there something on the news about Andrew Gulliver?" I ignore the shock due to sleepiness.

"He was some famous scientist that went missing a while ago," her face made it clear that she had just gone through the huge mental catalogue of everything she had seen in the news over the past few months; "why?"

"We saved him. He showed up at Diamonds door looking all beat up and we took down these two guys coming after him." I was trying to be as calm about this as I could. King quickly nodded in agreement.

"Was this like … a video game … or a dream … or …?" she seemed lost.

"Nope, call the (REDACTED) police department. I bet they'll tell you."

"You're serious?" she shifted her glance and looked at me like I was stupid.

"Mmmhmm." I gave a nod.

"Maggie," she turned towards the only one in the group who had any sort of level head "is this true?"

"Magneton." She did something very rare and blinked.

"Alright." She seemed to brush it off just as quickly as she became flustered.

"How about you?" It was a last ditch attempt to turn the conversation around to her.

"I'm fine, just … lazin' around." She didn't shrug as much as she did put her hands up.

"I mean, it's only eleven, and it's not like we're doing anything anyway." I shrugged once again.

"I have to pick up Ace and Zhong later today." She turned her head back to the TV.

"I know."

Ace of Hearts. Status; little sister. Pokémon; Jenna & Hart.

Zhong. Status; exchanged student. Pokémon; Huang.

"You wanna come along?"

"Eh, maybe … I do need to shower though." I produce a gross face.

"Yeah, you look a little …" my mom also made a gross face.

"I'll be around." I respond and trudge upstairs to the bedrooms but, more importantly, the good shower. The 'good shower' isn't actually any better than the downstairs shower, it's just in a bigger space and feels nicer.

As I pass my mom and stepdad's room I see someone who we all call Big Momma asleep on their bed. Big Momma is about a foot taller than King and I with a dome head and a body that looked like a kangaroo and dinosaur had a lovechild that could bench press a car. She had an off white belly with a scaled body and a short, thick, reptilian tail. She also was the only one that sympathized and connected with Dry Bones just about as much as Clubs did.

ONE AFTERNOON ONLY; MIKA'S 'POPULAR SONG' AS SUNG BY HEARTS. LOCATION; HIS SHOWER. PITCH; TOTALLY OFF KEY.

So I get out of my shower feeling refreshed and waltz over to my room and proceed to almost spend an undisclosed amount of time on the endless void of rainbows and sunshine that was the internet. It would've been great. I could've just chilled on my laptop while King slept and Maggie and I could have engaging conversations about why neither of us will ever get laid. One of us is a totally introverted parent-figure to all of their friends and totally cares about everyone they've ever met. The other was about to be on Reddit.

I could've had that conversation.

But something bit at my consciousness. There are three missed calls and one new text on my phone. I am not a super popular person outside of my group of college friends. That is to say, I'm hardly contacted by Diamonds, Clubs, or Spade when I'm home. I don't want this to lead you to think I'm not as close with them as I am with friends from school, but, if we want to contact each other we'll call and see if they want to hang. The conversation will last maybe two minutes. Ten if there's something we _need_ to say. One missed call from Diamond, one from Spade, and one from a number that I've been told to not tell you. The text was from Clubs and read 'Dude call that number back NOW!'

Well, shit.

I assume he meant the one I couldn't recognize.

So I got my phone and hit the number to call it back.

One ring.

Two rin— "Mister Hearts?"

"Yes?" my voice is highly sardonic in situations like this which is just me saying 'I got super defensive and sounded like an asshole on accident'.

"You were in the company of Mister Clubs, Diamond, and Spade last night?" this voice was strict and the thoughts of my younger years floated back to me, images of my step fathers orders and flashes of condescending words came forward.

"Yes."

"You'll be expected at (SUPER SECRET REDACTED LOCATION, NO GIRLS, ORCS, OR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 17 ALLOWED) at 1300 hours."

"I don't know where, or when, that is."

"You'll be texted the location."

Wasn't that a little risky?

"I don't have a ride."

"We know. Mister Spade will be your transportation."

These motherfuckers.

"Alright."

"Goodbye."

"By—" they hang up before I can get another word out.

"Magnet?" Maggie quizzes.

I look at her and sigh; "I think we just got ourselves into some serious shit."

The immediate thing I did was tell my mom something to the effect of 'Some secret guys from the military want to talk to me and the guys about saving Gulliver'. She responds asking why I was acting all weird. There's a slight protest and she just lets me know she doesn't want me out late again and that I should be getting more sleep. My sensible, adult for a year, brain knows she's right and totally wants to comply but then those notions get sledgehammered into submission when my college-age mind goes 'YOU'RE YOUNG, KID! STAY AWAKE TIL THE SUN'S UP! YOU CAN SURVIVE OFF FAST FOOD AND SLUSHIES FOR _YEARS_!'

It's, like, almost twelve thirty when Spade shows up in the beat up minivan. I keep the pokeballs in the laptop bag and slide in through the only working side door. Clubs is in the front.

"What the fuck is going on with this shit?" I ask, still tired.

"That's what we've been asking each other." Clubs mentions as his voice has been filed to a sharp edge that he can't seem to wield right due to five AM shenanigans.

"Let's just get there, alright?" Spade shuts down both of our perturbed notions as we drive off.

"So," We find ourselves in a very pristine parking lot in front of a more pristine building that we've never seen before "who else thinks this is total bullshit?" Diamond lets all of our thoughts be said aloud as the quad of us slump through the big, glass, doors. The only real responses are mumbles, grumbles, and groans.

This place is totally off the map, like, the back road of a back road kind of deal. Despite the shininess of the lot and building the whole establishment is surrounded by huge trees and the roads leading here were dirt and rocks.

We all enter the glass automatic doors and everyone in there gives us a simulations look that reads, not only have they had about four or five more cups of coffee than us, but that we were not fully welcomed there. The lobby we're in has a receptionist to the side at a glowing white desk while several people walk about in formal business attire going one way or the other but never the exit.

Spade is propped in such a way that makes him look very calm, his whole frame is 'bendy' with a torso that very much rested on his lower half and could contort anyway. His arms are slumped down by his sides and shoved in the pockets of his black jeans. He wears a black; "Hey kid," says a man in a brown business suit to make it clear that we're not _actually_ adults "take the fedora off, this is a government building."

Subtle.

"It's a trilby." Spade's voice is very not into the authority this guy is peddling.

"A what?"

"A trilby. This type of hat is called a trilby."

"I don't care what the hell it is, take it off!" he snaps and continues walking without really remembering we're there.

"Whatever." He grabs the hat by the front brim and slips it off.

"Can I … help you boys?" the receptionist asks. She's a woman who looks anywhere from just out of college to has-one-too-many-fake-tans, or both, with bright blonde hair. Her teeth are a great juxtaposition to her orange skin color.

"Well," Diamond begins realizing that if anyone else talks we'll be fucked "we were called in here this morning and we're not really sure why."

"Who called you in?" she asks.

A voice carries from another pair of open doors that was close enough for the two words not to carry; "I did."

Whoever it was they fucking planned that.

All four of our gazes, five including the receptionist, go to see a woman dressed in a black suit with grey pinstripes and a white undershirt. Her suit is very nice. Almost like it was tailored specifically for her and fits too well. She's very clearly African American, which is a nice change of pace from the one white dude we had yell at us and this up and coming clementine we were standing in front of. Her hair's been straightened and scoops down to her chin. She has a smile on her face the clearly wants nothing to do with any spectacle four immature twenty year olds would bring into the building. Despite the fact this woman only comes up to my chest I'm not very convinced we're in any sort of position of power anymore. Like, at all.

"Gentlemen." She walks up to us and extends her hand.

Clubs grasps it first and firmly shakes; "Ma'am." he gives the best smile he can.

She goes down the line with me being last.

"My name's Amanda Kyle, however, you may call me _Miss_ Kyle," she spins on a heel and begins walking forward while chiming in; "Follow me."

Alright, so, I can't give you the next conversation word for word but I can fill in some key points.

One, we're all in the same room very cold metal room in four equally cold metal chairs with Miss Kyle not looking phased at all by this environment.

Five minutes in, after introductions;

"What do you _mean_ Team Rocket's real?" Clubs seems especially dumbfounded but maybe that's just because sleeplessness doesn't hurt him as much as us.

"Dude we just fought them, like, not even twenty four hours ago." Spade mentions offhandedly.

"But _real_?!"

Fifteen minutes in;

"Work for you in what sense?" this time it's Diamond as I feel the need to not say anything and let the cold bite at me some more.

"We need you four to work as agents. I use that word loosely, however, you've already shown you can handle yourself in stressful situations," I mean Spade totally panicked, Diamond was a type of person I'd never want to see again and I almost turned a man into a bed bound potato but yeah, sure, we can 'handle ourselves' "and I'd like you to help us take care of some Rocket Members. It'll be dangerous," fuck, alright, well I don't want something bad to happen to me or, worse, have one of my best friends killed in front of me "but you'll be compensated."

We ask exactly what any other sane person in that situation would ask.

I'm not allowed to share the numbers.

Twenty minutes in;

"So, we're agreed?" Miss Kyle asks with that smile.

There's a general consensus of 'that's a lotta money'.

Twenty four minutes;

I'm back in the car with Spade and Clubs.

"So, uh, guess we're secret agents now?!" Spade shrugs as he drives back towards my house; his tone is so flabbergasted that it's hard to not think he's being sarcastic.

"Would appear that way." I sigh.

"I dunno, I think I'm ready for this." Clubs' words are confident, at least more so than Spades and mine.

"Really?" it then hits me. After all the excitement I almost forgot all that shit going on with Clubs. "Thinkin' this is a good change or you?" I ask, prompting him a little bit.

"Yeah man, I think this could be my _thing_," he hasn't been this excited for a while "we could actually make a difference, you know?"

"I suppose." I smile; hopefully this will be something fresh for him. And who knows, we could be doing something totally mundane like recording people's activity for a few hours a week.


End file.
